How to Tackle Your Kids’ Tough Questions

It’s amazing how children have the knack of asking the toughest questions. They might simply be curious, or perhaps they need reassurance. Or kids sometimes just like to connect through conversation. 

Most questions have a purpose or reason behind them, so discussing their query can achieve three very important things:

• build a deeper relationship with your child
• stimulate an enquiring mind
• develop a sense of safety, security and trust

With that in mind, I’ll not discuss how to answer a child’s questions. I can’t give you the answers, because you may have a different worldview to me. However, I can look at the questions and the reasons behind them in order to suggest an approach. 

Set up a Cosy-Chat-Time

I personally like to set aside a special time when my child is quieter for chatting. If it’s not at an inconvenient time, I’ll just let them know that we’ll chat later. And set aside a time when I’m not distracted and can give them all my attention and love. 

A Two-Way Approach

Firstly, ask your child what he or she thinks about the issue. That way, you get to know what’s behind the question. It’ll also help you discover the level of thinking they’re engaging in, and enable you to meet them at the right point. 

It’ll also help them ‌understand ‌their opinions matter, and that they have a say in significant subjects. 

Now I’ll go into the specific ‌‌questions children can have.

The Big Questions

Philosophical or Metaphysical Questions

These are enquiries about the existence of God, about the existence of the afterlife, the existence of evil, or right and wrong. For instance, your child may ask why actors on TV hit people if it’s wrong for the child to hit someone. Or they may want to know what happens when we die. 

It’s important that you can answer these questions based on your own beliefs. If you don’t know, get help from your faith community on how best to interact with the query. Even if you don’t have a faith, you may find the answers helpful.  Specifically those questions that touch on the inconsistencies in the world, and how we can live with them or understand them. 

The child wants to know that they are safe, but when the world isn’t safe or trustworthy, they want to discover how to deal with its inconsistencies and challenges. 

Questions About Sex

Questions about how your kids came to be, or about why their bodies are different to another’s, are bound to come up. To reply to that question, you need to understand where they are in their emotional maturity, and how much they can handle for their age. 

A simple, “Daddy put a seed in Mommy’s tummy” can be sufficient for a tiny child. Even if they ask deeper questions, you can still explain that they’re not ready to carry such big questions yet, and that you’ll talk about it when they get older. 

Questions about Science or Biology

“Mommy, why is the sky blue?” Or “Why do lions kill animals?” are the kinds of questions that you may need to either research or think through. 

It’s ok for your child to know that you have to find out first, or that you need to think about how to answer. In fact, you could make such questions a journey of discovery or adventure, where you look for solutions together. 

Sometimes they won’t be able to understand the full answer, but it’ll help to explain it in very simplistic terms. Occasionally, the answer may also connect with moral issues, such as the lion killing other animals, and you’ll be helping them create an integrated worldview by your answers. 

Conclusion

Answering your children’s questions about life can be challenging. However, it can also be one of the most rewarding experiences a parent can have, and can create very strong trust and understanding. Look on these questions as a very positive event, and discover what it does to your relationship. 

Good luck!